


Welcome to the Kink Meme!

by ChocoChipBiscuit



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 3, Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, F/F, F/M, Fallout Kink Meme, Gen, Humor, Kink Meme, M/M, Meta, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-01
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2018-01-10 19:46:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1163749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocoChipBiscuit/pseuds/ChocoChipBiscuit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All the companions of Fallout 3, New Vegas, Dead Money, plus Marcus work in an AU brothel. This is a love letter to the Fallout Kink Meme.</p><p>(No smut, but many references to more explicit work.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to the Kink Meme!

It is late afternoon at the brothel, but most of the workers are just stumbling out of bed. A trio of meta humans eat their breakfast at a table in the corner of the main floor, demolishing their Deathclaw omelets with gusto.

Well, two of them are, at least. Marcus and God (or possibly Dog) are eating their food with relish, while Fawkes merely picks at his with a sigh.

“If you’re not planning on eating that, I’ll take it,” the Nightkin offers.

“I’m eating it,” Fawkes replies quietly. ‘Quiet’ is a relative term, as only the ghouls have a harsher voice than him.

Marcus snorts, finishing his last bite. “So you’re eating the omelet, but what’s eating you?”

“Don’t you ever get tired of being fetishized?” Fawkes asks, still picking at his food. “I mean, yes, the pay is good, but I am more than a swinging green dick for any patron to purchase.”

“I don’t,” Dog (or God) chuckles. “I have a hot appointment tonight, too, so I’m _definitely_ not ‘tired of being fetishized.’ There’s this little redhead, you see, and I think I’ll get to put it in her ass tonight…”

Fawkes groans, finally pushing his plate away in disgust. God (or Dog) immediately grabs it, shoveling the food in his mouth.

Frowning, Fawkes crosses his arms in front of him. “You disgust me.”

“Bet your dick’s twitching anyway. How much longer do you want to bet until she’s begging us to tag-team her?” the Nightkin smirks. The evil expression in his eyes is completely God.

Marcus roars with laughter, clapping his hands together. “Hey, I’ll take that bet! Fifty caps says less than a month!”

God’s grin widens. “Fifty caps says less than a _week_.”

“ _Both_ of you disgust me,” Fawkes mumbles into his hands, burying his face in his palms.

“Don’t you act so high and mighty now!” God crows, slapping Fawkes on the back. “I heard you and Jericho were double-teaming a Vault girl just last month!”

“It was a poorly-thought effort on my part concerning a woman with a faulty moral compass,” Fawkes says stoically, face impassive. Only his white-knuckled grip on the edge of the table betrays his unease.

“I didn’t think you had a problem with three-ways,” Marcus muses, sipping at a cool bottle of Sunset Sarsaparilla. “Don’t you and Clover have something lined up tonight…?”

Fawkes flushes, cheeks turning a faint purple. “We are not… we are not having sex with one another. A client wants to fuck me while Clover watches.”

God gives a low, approving whistle. “I wouldn’t mind having that assignment. What about you, Marcus? Any plans tonight?”

“Well, originally I was planning on something big in Jacobstown…” the older Super Mutant drawls, idly flipping the bottle cap in his hand. “But it looks like I’ll be having a second date with a new client.”

“Hey, speaking of dates!” chimes in a new voice. All three meta humans turn to look at the blonde woman in the pink dress. While normally Clover is somewhat aloof, today she is all sunbeams and smiles. It makes all three of them automatically reach for the nearest weapon, but Clover is too deliriously happy to notice. “I got a hot date tonight!” she giggles happily.

“After our joint appointment?” Fawkes asks curiously.

Clover nods enthusiastically, clapping her hands like a little girl. “Yeah! You know the goggles chick that’s been hanging around, drinking the booze but not buying anything?” Without waiting for a response, she rushes on. “She’s asking me on a real date tonight! We’re going to the planetarium!” she squeals, bouncing up and down.

Marcus laughs, the sound rich and warm as it wafts through the cozy little brothel. “I hope you have fun. Don’t let the stars get in your eyes!”

As Clover skips away, she passes the bar. Snagging a shot of whiskey out of a ghoul’s hands, she is gone before he has a chance to do more than holler “Hey!”

“Serves you right for drinking so early in the day, Dean,” the freckled bartender chuckles. Rose of Sharon Cassidy (better known as ‘Cass’ to all and sundry) is several shots in already, the roses blooming on her cheeks as she sniggers.

“That never stopped you before, now has it?” the singer remarks sourly. “Besides, I need to soothe my throat ‘afore the customers come. I’m the ground floor entertainment, after all.”

“For all of, say, five minutes before one of our patrons drags you upstairs,” Cass grins, reaching over to pat Dean Domino’s cheeks. “Besides, I _have_ to drink in order to give ‘em any sort of leg up. First one to drink me under the table gets to _do_ me under the table.”

“Truly a prize worth cirrhosis,” Dean deadpans. “But I don’t know if I’ll get many nibbles tonight. Can’t always be expecting a troop of horny virgins to come waltzing in…”

Cass’ grin widens, licking her lips playfully. “Oooh, little sweet virgin wanted a big bad ghoul to corrupt her?”

“Oh yes. Repeatedly.” Dean’s smile is like knives.

At this point, Arcade and Boone come in, slumping by the bar in unison. When Cass cheerfully asks if they want ‘hair of the dog,’ they chorus a resounding “NO!”

“Whiskey dicked you up too much last night?” Cass asks knowingly. Boone simply stays slumped, while Arcade mumbles “FISTO is programmed to please, but Boone is an…”

“Shut up, or I’ll ditch you on the streets of Westside next time,” the sniper mutters.

“Sounds like juice and eggs for you two boys!” a gravelly voice declares, Lily coming in with a pan full of freshly fried eggs. No one has the courage to ever ask her if she is really aware of what the brothel’s business is, but she certainly keeps everyone well-fed. There had been a rumor she had caught one of their guests masturbating once, but… some things are better left as speculation, never to be confirmed.

“Can I have some too, Grandma Lily?” a cheerful brunette chimes in. Veronica is arm in arm with Christine Royce, the two of them snug as peas in a pod.

The senile Nightkin shakes the pan, tsking. “Did you pick up your toys, dearie?”

“Uh… yes. We picked up and cleaned _all_ the toys. So can we have eggs too?” Christine asks, beaming cherubically despite the many scars on her face. Apparently Lily decides they are telling the truth, as both women get a plate of eggs.

“ _Did_ you clean all the toys?” Cass whispers as Lily leaves.

“Yeah. At least the Brotherhood’s obsession with technology finally paid off,” Veronica mumbles, cheeks pink. “And to think we originally just giggled at the idea of the sex toy closet…”

Cass’s snicker is drowned out by a young man in a leather jacket shouting “ _Hey,_ Tunnel Snakes rule!”

“And I heard they are pretty damn cuddly too,” the older man next to him snorts. He reeks of cigarettes and skunked liquor. “That damn girl’s charming you ‘afore you know it.”

“What the hell do you know, Jericho? You just… you smell rancid!” Butch stutters, crossing his arms indignantly.

“That’s what the jane wants,” Jericho chuckles lewdly. “Even a washed up Raider can still pull the cute young things with daddy issues.”

Butch just growls, shaking his head. “You’re sick, man.”

“ _You’re_ the one who sucked that big ghoul’s dick the other night,” Jericho points out, smiling with just a little too much teeth to be entirely pleasant.

“Goddammit, that’s what the client wanted!” Butch exclaims, flushing red from his neck to the backs of his ears. Jericho’s mocking laughter only rubs salt in the wound. “Hey, I’m _way_ more popular than you, old man!”

“And the ghoul’s more popular than _you_ ,” Jericho snickers. “I dunno if I’d count success in here by ‘popularity,’ but ‘quality’ is always damn good as far as I’m concerned.”

“ _Ay_ , listening to those two whine just makes this old _vaquero_ want to murder a bottle of tequila,” an aging ghoul says wistfully, angling himself away from the two of them bickering. His companion, another tall, rangy ghoul, just nods.

“Pouring the accent on a little thick tonight, aren’t you?” he asks Raul.

“ _Ay_ , Charon, what can I do? The _chicas_ love it,” Raul responds breezily. “A little Spanish, a little tequila, some rope lessons… an old man can have a few pleasures, yes?”

Charon smirks, decaying lips pulled taut over his gleaming teeth. “I heard your new pleasure was roller derby.”

“What can I say? I love the fishnets. Very aerodynamic.”

“Hurry up and get ready, everyone!” A firm woman’s voice rises above all the babble in the brothel. A dark-skinned woman in Power Armor walks down the stairs, looking everyone over with appraising eyes. “We have just ten minutes, so wash up, clean up—except you, Jericho, she wants you filthy—and take your places!”

Ten minutes of frantic movement, cleaning, and tidying later, everyone is at their places. Smiling broadly, Star Paladin Cross opens the doors to an eager crowd of anonymous patrons.

“Welcome to the Kink Meme!”


	2. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shortly after publishing the first chapter on the meme, I was gently reminded that forced prostitution is never a joke, and with several anons' concerns for poor Fawkes' dignity, I felt the need to clarify that all the brothel workers enjoy their work very much. Even Fawkes, despite his moments of doubt, would never dream of pursuing another career.
> 
> To show how sincerely sorry I am for any confusion, and to illustrate that Fawkes truly does enjoy his work, I would like to offer a follow-up fic.

The walls are groaning, dull thuds and soft moans echoing throughout the dark building. God (or possibly Dog) and Marcus stare at each other blearily under the dim kitchen light. Lily stirs cocoa on the stove, humming in some off-key baritone as the rest of the brothel workers huddle. No one dares to go upstairs.

“For fuck’s sake, how long can they keep fucking…?” Cass whispers, dark shadows under her eyes. She already added a generous dollop of whiskey to her cocoa, the fumes almost strong enough to knock Butch out beside her. But even alcoholic hot beverages aren’t enough to compensate for the _noise_ …

“Damn if I know. Fawkes got the endurance of a Bighorner on Buffout,” slurs Jericho. He still reeks of skunked booze, and douses his half-finished cigarette in Charon’s untouched cocoa. The ghoul doesn’t even have the energy to growl, just staring fixedly into space.

“Oh… Fawkes…. Oh, yes! More! More! More!” the woman’s voice begs.

Clover curls her lips, squeaking in a mocking falsetto, “Oh! Fawkes! Please! Let us sleep! Let us sleep!”

“I already timed them at two and a half hours. They can’t be human,” Arcade mutters. “Refractory time aside, there are limits to the amount of fluid the body can regenerate within that limited time…”

“’Meta human,’ Doc,” Christine corrects. Veronica is slumped against her, the former Scribe trying her best to make herself comfortable, but the flickering of her eyelids betrays that she hasn’t embraced true sleep yet.

“The girl’s human,” Boone points out.

A savage roar reverberates throughout the brothel, causing the drinks to tremble in their cups and the dishes to gently clatter against eachother. “I feel the primal part of me… pulling me awaaay!”

“And…. Boom! There he blows!” Dean mimes, flinging his hands upwards.

Hopefully, Cross asks, “Maybe they’ll be done now…?”

All of the assembled brothel workers wait breathlessly. One slow second passes by, then two, then three…

“Oh, baby, that was great,” sighs the woman’s voice, warm and content.

“Would you wish to try again?” Fawkes offers, his booming voice causing them all to cringe.

The woman’s laughter chimes like bells. Just like bells, it is entirely unwelcome to the people who just want to sleep. “I can’t afford you, Fawkes. I’m all out of caps.”

“It would be all pleasure, no business. Pro bono if you will.”

Cass snorts, mumbling, “More like pro _boner_.”

“Please, say no. Please, say no,” whispers Clover, rocking back and forth. “For the love of fucking Atom, _please_ say no…”

“Oh, yes! Let’s do this!”

Everyone groans in the kitchen, slapping their foreheads.

God (or possibly Dog) growls, “I swear, if Fawkes tries standing on his dignity _one more time_ and claiming he doesn’t want to be fetishized, I am going to _murder him_.”

Everyone promptly seconds the motion. And there is much rejoicing when finally Fawkes and his client fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhat loosely in order of their appearance, the fics referenced are here. (Some of the talented authors are here on AO3 too, but I admit I ran out of steam in doing the links)
> 
> 1) God/Dog and Fawkes: discussing a redhead from the Jinx series (more specifically Letting Go for the mentioned ass play. Series linked http://previous.delicious.com/falloutkinkmeme/filled_falloutkink+fic_series%253Ajinx)  
> 2) Fawkes/Jericho/Vaultie (“A Faulty Moral Compass” http://archiveofourown.org/works/1085962)  
> 3) Clover peeps on Fawkes/F!LW (“If I Didn’t Care” http://falloutkinkmeme.livejournal.com/588.html?thread=865100#t865100)  
> 4) Marcus/F!Courier find something big in Jacobstown (“Something In Jacobstown” http://falloutkinkmeme.livejournal.com/588.html?thread=22092#t22092)  
> 5) Marcus/M!Courier have a first date (“Rest These Old Bones” http://falloutkinkmeme.livejournal.com/5646.html?thread=11832334t11832334)  
> 6) F!LW/Clover’s planetarium visit (“The Stars in Your Eyes” http://falloutkinkmeme.livejournal.com/5459.html?thread=11613011#t11613011)  
> 7) Title-dropped a blind M!LW (“Don’t Let the Stars Get in Your Eyes” http://falloutkinkmeme.livejournal.com/5646.html?thread=11783438#t11783438)  
> 8) Virgin!Courier/Dean Domino (“Touch” http://falloutkinkmeme.livejournal.com/5459.html?thread=9739859t9739859)  
> 9) Arcade/Boone get whiskey-dicked in “Three Sheets to the Wind” (http://falloutkinkmeme.livejournal.com/5646.html?thread=11829774t11829774)  
> 10) Arcade/Boone shenanigans title-dropped in “The Streets of Westside” (http://falloutkinkmeme.livejournal.com/5459.html?thread=10938963t10938963, also part of the ‘Take Your Shot’ series http://previous.delicious.com/falloutkinkmeme/fic_series%3Atake_your_shot )  
> 11) Lily catches a masturbating Courier in “Let Grandma Aim That For You Next Time” (http://falloutkinkmeme.livejournal.com/588.html?thread=368460t368460)  
> 12) Currently unfilled, but a prompt asking about the sex toy closet (http://falloutkinkmeme.livejournal.com/4875.html?thread=7142411t7142411)  
> 13) Butch/F!LW cuddle in “Cuddly Snake” http://falloutkinkmeme.livejournal.com/2868.html?thread=2771508#t2771508 (part of the To Charm a Snake series http://previous.delicious.com/falloutkinkmeme/fic_series%3Ato_charm_a_snake )  
> 14) Jericho/F!LW in “Rancid” (http://falloutkinkmeme.livejournal.com/5459.html?thread=10756691t10756691 )  
> 15) Butch/Charon in “Bait” (http://falloutkinkmeme.livejournal.com/2868.html?thread=3028276t3028276 )  
> 16) Raul gets all roped up in “More Than a Bronco” (http://falloutkinkmeme.livejournal.com/5459.html?thread=11293267t11293267)  
> 17) Everyone goes roller derby-ing in “Keep Calm and Go Skating” http://falloutkinkmeme.livejournal.com/4875.html?thread=8390923t8390923


End file.
